a checkered past

recently we joined a dinner group at our church.  our group of eight meets monthly and our first get-together was friday.  we each spent a few moments introducing ourselves and sharing a bit about our backgrounds.  one woman's story struck me as especially interesting.  she taught fiber arts at the alternative high school in bloomington, had been a volunteer chaplain at the local hospital, and taught college skills classes at the community college in town.  as i raised my eyebrows at this diverse resume, she grinned at me and said, "i know.  i have a checkered past."

when my turn came around, i realized my story is a bit "checkered" as well.  i went to school in virginia, did full-time ministry with greek students in indiana, got a master's degree in african american studies, started the course toward a phd, and currently serve as manager at casa de farmer.  the steps to each season have always seemed crystal clear in my head.  but as i listened to them strung together in an introduction to people i'd never met, i saw that the course of events does seem a little disjunct.

so it made me reflect a bit on this strange journey.  what motivated me at each of the crossroads that led me down these paths?  in college, i loved spending time investing in the lives of the people around me.  these people were generally the women in my sorority with whom i lived.  they inspired and motivated me, and i loved listening to them talk about their lives.  i learned that very few people really took the time to listen to them and care about what they were saying.  as i approached graduation, i just wanted to do more of this.  this was ministry to me - loving the people around me.  as i worked for intervarsity, my perspective on the "people around me" magnified to encompass people of every tribe, tongue, and nation, the poor, the oppressed, the silent, the rich, the powerful.  rather than seeing only myself, i began to see how diverse and awe-inspiring is the vast array of people that comprise our world.  i traveled to mexico city, new orleans, and back corners of bloomington to learn more and serve as best i could.  and i just wanted to love people - actively and intentionally.  i examined my gifts and talents - studying, thinking, writing, speaking/teaching - and moving into graduate school to study these topics was a good fit.  approaching the end of my master's, i felt good about continuing on that road. 

the people of the world at that point were far-flung into a large picture spanning continents of intimate anonymity.  but at that point, a person came into my world that suddenly made it much smaller.  samuel was born, with timing i couldn't have planned better if i had tried.  with a complete master's degree, i took the year to be home with him.  all academic goals of grants, papers, fellowship dimmed in comparison to actively and intentionally loving this little person in my life.  and now that little person has expanded to two-and-a-half little ones, and my joy has only multiplied.  "stay-at-home mom" is still a term that makes me wince a bit.  it seems so archaic, so june cleaver.  i guess pre-kids i made judgements that it was just for weak women who didn't have anything else to do.  i eat humble pie as i now fill those shoes.  but to me, it's so important.  i want to love my precious kids actively and intentionally, and especially as i'm acutely aware of how short this period is; they'll be in kindergarten before i can blink.  in this time, there's nothing i'd rather do, though there are many days - actually many moments in a single day - that i question this!  it's not glamorous.  i miss the affirmation of a good grade on a paper, an acceptance to present at a conference, someone thanking me for making a difference in their life.  but i've found something that far surpasses that.  my fantastic and highly-successful friend becky and i have often talked about the challenges of transitioning into the world of diapers, poop, clean-up, and non-stop toddlers. she put it so sweetly: “...my life looks so different than what I long for sometimes, but is perfect too.” 

from a distance, i guess my past does look a bit patchwork.  but for me, the common denominator is wanting to be intimately involved in the lives of the people around me.  at different points, the people around me have been kappas, mexican children, homeless hurricane victims, those affected by racial injustices, and now they are 36 inches tall (or smaller).  as those people change throughout the seasons of my life, i know i'll always have an adventure ahead of me - checkered though it may be.